Henry Kissinger Had a Boob Job! (Some friendly satire)



Actually I do not know if Henry Kissinger in fact did have a boob job. It's more of an unconfirmed rumor. But it is possible that Henry Kissinger had his boobs done--most likely breast reduction and possibly pec implants.

I guess it is inappropriate to write about the body modifications of a former secretary of state or to speculate about his breasts. Political figures still experience a degree of respect in regards to their bodies, particularly the male politicians who are white.

I remember I was in Spain years ago when Ronald Reagan was president. A photo appeared in El Pais showing President Reagan emerging from the Mediterranean dripping as he lumbered onto the beach. The skin around his middle and chest was all saggy and gathered like cauliflower, and I felt certain I had never seen his body before and equally certain that the same photo did not appear in US papers. So that gets me thinking that Kissinger has definitely put on the pounds the past few years. I wonder if he is considering a change of diet or even gastric bypass surgery with a little tummy tuck.


Perhaps Kissinger has had botox or even his eyes done. They look stiffer and tighter than I remember them looking a few years back. His lips look thicker too, I think. But this is wrong of me to dig around the skin of a distinguished former public servant (even if he may have committed war crimes.) I know it is disrespectful of me, and I should just let it go and consider other more pressing issues--the on-going saga in Japan, the turbulent and uncertain times in the Arab world, the plight of homeless LGBT youth in our cities.

There is something different about his hairline though, right? It's different than I had remembered. You see I met Kissinger briefly in the mid-1980's when I worked in the executive dinning room at the American Express headquarters in New York City. Kissinger along with former President Gerald Ford, both Amex board members, attended a lunch for about 30 people in a private dinning room. Kissinger and Ford sat at the same table. Since I was a Young Rebublican and the youngest waiter on staff, (only 21 and completely adorable) our manager (an aging gay man who more than once told me he thought I was completely adorable) thought it would be thrilling for me to serve these two Conservative political luminaries.



I remember Kissinger being fussy about his appetizer. He didn't want the shrimp--it may be because it was shrimp ,and he is Jewish, or he may be allergic, or perhaps he doesn't like shrimp, or else he liked messing with me by sending me back to the kitchen with his plate of shrimp and the shocking announcement, "Henry Kissinger doesn't want shrimp!" The kitchen staff then procured a melon, which I carried back to the former secretary of state. He looked at it, looked at me and annoyed asked, "What is it?" Channeling my mother, who worked in food service for two decades and did not suffer fools lightly, I dryly replied, "It's a melon, sir. I believe a honeydew although it might be a canary masquerading as a crenshaw." (OK, I really only just said, "It's a melon, sir," but had I been better prepared I would have said more.) I then returned to the kitchen with the rejected melon (which I remember was beautifully garnished with fresh cut strawberries) and announced to the waiting kitchen staff, "Henry Kissinger doesn't want melon." The head of catering, a Belgian woman who could have been masquerading as Eva Braun, spat out something in German or Flemish or tongues, and then added, "The hell with Henry Kissinger! Go to the next course."

I wonder if Henry Kissinger gets waxed. Perhaps between his shoulder blades or maybe his lower back. If he wears a thong (you never know) he might go in for a bikini wax of sorts. Surely he must endure a certain level of manscaping. But why am I obsessing about this public figure's body? What does it matter? Surely the most important thing is his public record, his intellect, his contributions to the country, his political ideals and philosophy.

Do you think he goes in for a regular colonic? It was the rage a few years ago. Apparently it gives you lots of energy once they clean you out. No! I must stop this insane musing over this man's body. What business of mine is it? What difference does it make?



It's not like he's Hilary Clinton or Madeleine Albright or Condoleezza Rice or Sandra Day O'Connor or Nancy Pelosi or former Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin or the recently deceased first ever former Vice Presidential Candidate Geraldine Ferraro. They of course have been fair game in the media for discussion about their body parts, their weight, their possible surgeries. (Al Gore is unique figure. As a male political figure I have heard him discussed in the media because of his weight swings. He is a known nibbler, not disciplined in his eating. I know this because the I learned about it in the media. They say he has womanly hips.)

I guess I'm fixated on Henry Kissinger right now because next month I head to Oslo, Norway and will perform my play I Can See Sarah Palin from my Window! Lessons before the Second Coming. It is a comedy about cancer, misogyny, and hospitality. I have been doing some rewrites and reading about female politicians and apparently their bodies are essential to the public discourse whether straight male pundits considered them to be hot (Sarah Palin & Michelle Obama) or not (most other female politicians.)

But writing about Henry Kissinger and his possible/probably boob job, well, it all seems so silly, unnecessary, and rude.

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