Dear Fellow LGBT I have had to check my scruples for self acceptance, when somehow idealizing being in a gay marriage. You see I have been married to the same woman who I came out with for twenty years. Together we attend the NYC meeting at 15th street and Rutheford Place. She makes my life complete, as well as my homosexuality. It seems as though in her giving birth to all of our children, we somehow have favored the notion of keeping our marriage open. I have had gay dates and she has had dates with other men. Are Quakers supposed to say one thing and do another. I believe the word for that is hypocrisy. Yet the understanding of my gay marriage with a straight spouse, concerning the great opportunity to explore and develop the entire linkage to my libido and my sexuality has enabled me to grow firmly attached to her. I believe when I finally came out to her that she was delighted, as we have made private oaths only to sleep with other men. She fully accepths my need to emulate the core of her soul. With her I am another woman through and through. It is our mutual desire to stay married that helps us to celebrate the essence of the nature of our happy gay marriage for twenty years.

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Hello Friend,

I am writing in response to your query of , "are Quakers supposed to say one thing, and do another? I believe the word for that is hypocrisy."  Being a Utah Friend I know may people of different faiths who are in mixed orientation marriages.  I myself am gay and in a relationship with a man, but understand and appreciate the need for a different path which some friends take.  

Personally, I do not feel there is anything hypocritical about an open relationship if in fact the emphasis is on that word, "open."  The relationship should be open and honest, with both parties open with each other and to the spirit and influence of God.  If that is achieved, there is nothing hypocritical in the situation.  While others may perceive and make judgments on what appears to be a "traditional" marriage, those who are involved know and understand the situation in its entirety and are open with each other and God.  Living a life which allows us to be open to communication with God, supports us in being more freely open with others in our lives. 

Thank You I believe my wife and I have both grown stronger in our faith in God, when I came out of the closet with her. It seemed to come from a place that was both her will and mine for me to do so. I believe we are learning from the early stages of our marriage that we were meant to be for one another. Alix is a psychologist and an older woman, I only wish we had more time for each other. She has replaced and fulfilled all my previous concerns with having an obsessive adolescents. Since my coming out with her she has been my primary family. I went through stages of dependence and independence with her as we both had stopped drinking. I believe all I can say is that if it is right that I should live my own life, I am pleased that this is the one that God has chosen for us.


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