I'm a foster/adoptive parent of three kids. We rarely join with our local meeting, as the kid First Day activities are not alluring to my child with the biggest problems (attachment disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, PTSD, and accompanying severe rages) and he's a very effective roadblock. I am considering meeting with another church to better meet his needs. (Our meeting is very small, and although they do a good job with the kids, the quietness of Quakers is not appealing to him.)
This kiddo went from homeless, violent chaos, to a fundamentalist Christian home, to another home, back to the Christian home, and then to me. He attended a Christ the King church with the first family and the hype and bright colors of the Sunday school there really appealed to him. He is a rather black and white sort of kid, and I have serious fears that if I do not choose to engage him in some version of black and white philosophy/spirituality, he will choose his own brand, and I might not like it (gang activity, etc.). I know he will never be fed such hard and fast thinking in First Day school, and for that I am thankful. However, he really seems to need something without so much grey.
All this is complicated a bit by the fact that I am a lesbian, and many churches in town are rather uncomfortable with that. The patriarchal language and belief in scriptural authority in most Christian churches makes me wince. Due to personal history, I have a hard time listening to biblical scripture, though it is very familiar. Attending a local Christian church would mean a spiritual resignation of sorts for me... a sacrifice made for my child. In a way, it would also feel like a sacrifice of my other two children, who don't seem to need such rigid boundaries.
The son about which I am so concerned is eight years old. He is a bit too young to be dropped off at another church while I attend meeting with my other children... nor do I wish to divide our family that way. Because my son always longs for what he can't have or used to have, I really need to make a decision before I take my kids anywhere (if we visit and I decide not to return, he'll decide that's the one place he wants to be).
I welcome any thoughts and questions on this situation. My son is in counseling, and is also enrolled in a program for severely at-risk kids which provides a year of 24 hour support (by phone or in person) and local emergency respite. I am not really looking for advice about his situation in general at this time.