Primitive Christianity Revived, Again
I wear a plain, navy bandana with my hair tied back. I've been covering with this or a thick headband (the headbands were at first... the scarf/bandanas are every day now) for about two years. I cover at all times outside of the house, and most of the time in the house. I do not sleep covered. Covering has been a strong mix of grounded relief and nearly resistant confusion. I feel calm and right and grounded while I am covered, but I also grieve a bit that I feel so invisible to much of the LGBT community in my long skirt/modest clothes and headscarf. Does anyone else struggle with this?
I don't get much of a reaction in public. Because I dress modern plain with a somewhat unremarkable covering, I might get mistaken for very conservative Christian groups in the area or for Russian orthodox on a plain day. Sometimes I notice that I am perhaps treated with more careful respect in public, but not always. My friends have either been a bit concerned but supportive, or confused and quiet. I would rather people would ask, though I don't know that I have a great explanation. It was a leading so strong and persistent that after much struggling about wanting to understand, I finally gave up on a tidy understanding and followed the leading.
I am relieved and blessed to find other folks discussing this in this group!
I feel free to offer that I sometimes wish I could carry with me two pre-printed cards. One would say, "I am not who thee thinks I am." And the other would say, "There is no such obligation." I think people always feel free to make assumptions and instantaneous judgments about others, but in my own case (and perhaps in thine) their assumptions (positive and negative) are just so incredibly far away from anything I am as a person that it is sometimes overwhelming. And most people don't seem to actually want in on the truth of who I am as a person . . . they are well satisfied with their assumptions.
As someone who has a lot of flamboyant LGBT community friends, I can imagine that there is a bit of confusion at your choice towards plain and simple, along with headcovering.
The real question for so many will be as to whether you will try to be "straight" as part of religious observance. I feel this is so sad, because the weapon against hetrosexual conformity is so often the conformity to another stereotype.
In my experiements with headcovering, I have been surprised at on one side the positive reaction (so many colleagues have said it suits me), and on the other side the lack of reaction, particularly from my client group.
I am trying to discern the nature of my leading, and I seem to be understanding that it is about outward showing that my inward journey is different from others. I have been thinking about the "clothing" of nuns and others of the mystic tradition, and that the symbolic nature of the headcovering as a mark of "servant" for someone like myself who for whatever reason has ended up in a leadership role in the world.
Yes. Thank you.