It all began far back on a hill in a field about an acre from my first childhood home. Back then, it was an enchanted place for us kids and we called it 'Indian Hill', which would not be socially acceptable today. Back then life was simpler. I didn’t know it at the time, but I believe this special place to be the birthing of My Knowing Place.
I had to walk an acre or so and cross a crystal clear, bubbling brook. It was worth the walk in my creek sneakers, as mother called them back then. I’d walk the creek and all over the field and finally make my way up the hill. Up top of that hill was just out of earshot of the voices raging out of the open windows in the summer breeze. Even now if I sit still enough with my eyes shut, I can imagine being back there, watching an ant dancing on a blade of grass, crickets jumping and billowy white clouds slowly passing by. Tucked in amongst it all and the encircling trees was all that was good, safe and true. It was there, I really met with the God of church from Sunday morning and discovered that God could be the God of my every day.
Like a baby blue jay, I was just getting up the courage to fly. Before one does that they must be prepared, observe the world around them, determine the risk and decide where to place their trust. Pinching and sipping on honeysuckle there, I found that place in nature and deep inside of me. It was the place that I could turn off the voices, the noise, the expectations and my deep seeded need to make everything alright. There, I could be myself with abandon and confidence in Christ. Returning again and again, I had found the secret place of the Most High where I sensed God move and speak and a place where he was making me. Other times my sister and sister-cousin would just run and play there completely carefree.
Through the years, I realized that The Knowing Place could be taken with me anywhere I needed it, though beautiful, the priority there was not nature, but all Things Unseen. I found my abiding place with Christ to be true and when I wandered, it remained there for me whenever I needed it, in fact it came along with me. Through difficulties, rebellion and the winds of change and loss it held strong.
Some times we lose things and people before we are done needing them.
My Knowing Place was where I sensed Christ inviting me to spend more time in. Through the years, the Spirit was calling my spirit to know that the more I accepted this offer to abide, the more my cup gently overflowed with real Love and Peace. Some where along the way, I didn’t need that hill or a particular location, but rather the interior place that dwells with God, sanctified and where all is transformed into beauty there, even the ugly. This place-this relationship came along me everywhere I joyfully traveled, lived and grew so that I was never alone. I found this went beyond my relationships on earth, but at times am given circumstances that challenge me to live up to that.
One day, my world shrunk, which actually forced me to enlarge it again and found me in places that I could not normally let me go. Small places, in rooms with arguments, rooms with doors shut tight, elevators, hospitals and very entrapped medical test facilities. I often am reminded of the children’s story Country Mouse, City Mouse, as I frequently make my way to the city now for medical care. I still find comfort in out-stretched open land. Now I smile inside though, as any where I am or have to go or will ever be, I now find my source of living and trust to be in this God Space itself and these days I do not wish to wander from the holy of holies but abide daily, minute by minute in this place of assurance with solid ground. Most days, I can now go where he leads which is my heart’s desire-to fly like that baby bird.
Every so often my mind wanders back to that land and merciful hill. I hold those memories dear. The house and farmland are changed now and new towering homes that all look the same stretch out far behind. I hear there are no children stomping that land and I assume they are all in daycare and organized camps instead of our lusciously long, imaginative days. I have not passed that way again, since I last walked it with my own little family and a lump in my throat, before my father sold it 6 years ago. I said my final goodbyes. My younger sister of strength and courage has walked along the land that remains to the side of our old home, past the brook and sat once again on that hill. Father mentions driving by it and how it has changed and I nod and ah ha. I make my way far around it when in the area, as to never look back. I find it easier to keep my well chosen memories and put my faith and trust now in Christ alone. I have my own house that comes undone at times now. So my aim is to be more like Jesus, and less like me now and to spend every day in My Knowing Place, trusting and living every breath and heartbeat there as best I can.
"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." ~ Psalm 91:1