A friend recently commented that being a Quaker is "hard. Really, really hard." Immediately the old Catholic guilt started flowing, and I asked myself whether I was working hard enough.

 

The past few months have been joyful. I've been happier than I've been in a long time. After many difficulties in my life, things are finally starting to come together, and I'm waking up happy to see the sun and start a new day. I credit some of that joy to the spiritual nourishment I receive from my meeting. Most of it I credit to the whims of the universe. Some times are better than others, and this is one of the better times.

 

"Hard" was life before I learned about Quakerism. "Hard" was wondering how to handle a violent situation in a compassionate manner and thinking I was the only person in the world who had grappled with such an issue. "Hard" was feeling completely alone amongst friends, unable to shake the conviction that something was wrong with spending hundreds of dollars on entertainment and thinking I was doomed to be a social outcast forever because I felt that way. "Hard" was taking every word that came out of my mouth seriously,  really thinking about speaking the truth and speaking kindness, and believing that I was peculiar and alone for being so serious about everything.

 

"Hard" was trying to live up to the light in me without even knowing that the light was there.  Without knowing that others were on the same path as me, that there was a meeting of people who sought the same things I sought, who could comfort and support me in my time of need. Without knowing there was a long, rich tradition of writing about the very questions I had. Without a weekly meeting to be enveloped and nourished in corporate worship. Those days were very hard indeed, and I don't want to go back to them.

 

My experience in Quakerism has been sheer joy. I have found company on the journey, and it is a blessing.

 

Walking the path alone was hard. Walking the path in the company of Friends, illuminated by the Light -- it's still a hard path, but one I now cross with a smile on my face. I feel joy, and release, and camraderie, and above all else, a deep love of life and all of creation. I cannot join my friend in feeling that Quakerism is "hard," at least not right now.

 

I am open to the possibility that, as I learn more and my practice deepens, I will understand what she meant. I may be expressing a superficial understanding of the Spirit by admitting that I found life before convincement much harder that life after convincement. For now, however, I am grateful every day. I am no longer alone in the dark. I never was -- that' s the beauty of the Light, it was there even when I was blind to it -- but I felt that I was, and I now feel deeply loved, and accepting that love is no burden at all.

 

My query: would you characterize your faith practice as "hard?" When have things been hardest for you?

Views: 150

Comment by RJ Walters on 3rd mo. 30, 2011 at 7:59am
Thank your for your very heartfelt words. They comfort me to know that I also am not alone with these type feelings.  I hope you continue blogging here for some time to come.
Comment by Kelly Quirino on 3rd mo. 30, 2011 at 1:59pm
I love this! My experience thus far with Quakerism has been joyful and peaceful, as well.
Comment by Bridget Casterline on 3rd mo. 30, 2011 at 2:20pm
It sounds like what was hard for you was practicing Quakerism alone, without a community of Quakers to accompany you in your walk, before you even knew that this was what you were practicing.  That may not have been your f/Friend's experience.  I can see how it would be hard in some ways to move from following the world to following the Spirit (though probably a relief in other ways), to consistently and deeply consider one's behavior and thoughts where those in the world seem not to....  But in the end, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
Comment by Paula Deming on 3rd mo. 30, 2011 at 2:33pm

A lovely first post, Laura! And I resonate with your remarks about finding it "harder" to have certain feelings and not realize that other people feel the same way. Finding our beloved Society was such a blessing for me too.

I'm not sure that your query quite fits with my understanding of your post. What you are doing doesn't seem to be hard for you right now. Which is fine. I've found, over the years, that I will occasionally go through a "spiritual event" (can't call it a crisis), where I feel something is demanded of me far beyond what I had ever expected. Then, yes, being a Quaker can be hard. :)  But that is more a matter of wrestling with my faith as I sit waiting for God. I don't necessarily consider this to be a matter of practice, though.

Yours in the Light, Paula

Comment by Laura Katherine on 3rd mo. 30, 2011 at 4:02pm

Thanks for the kind comments :)

 

I have been through times where it was very hard indeed to do what I felt led to do. Ignoring the leading was painful. Following the leading, worse. So on reflection I think I can understand the sense that "this is hard." But the leading exists whether I am alone or in company, and the company of friends lifts the burden.

Comment by Turtle Kientz on 3rd mo. 30, 2011 at 6:23pm
There was a time, six years ago when I felt completely alone. I was a member of a Friends Meeting in a large city where I had just moved following the crumbling of my second marriage. I felt abandoned by everyone, including God. I had no job. I had serious health issues with a detached retina and crushing chest pain. I realize now that it was what was called by St. John of the Cross as the Dark Night of the Soul and described by others such as Sandra Cronk, Carlo Carletto and Teresa of Avila. I have come through that journey and not unscathed. It was a lonely and frightening experience I'd rather not repeat.
Comment by Laura Katherine on 3rd mo. 30, 2011 at 8:55pm
Ah Turtle, thank you for sharing that and reminding me that things can change in the blink of an eye.
Comment by Kathy Summers on 3rd mo. 31, 2011 at 12:36pm
Thanks so much for what you shared. Kathy
Comment by Wee Dragon on 4th mo. 1, 2011 at 10:59am
I aspire to your experience!!!  I bring every ounce of striving and angst in me into everything I do, including my Way or Path!  But this may be more tempermental rather than being about Quakerism in any way!!  :-)
Comment by Laura Katherine on 4th mo. 1, 2011 at 2:11pm
That's an interesting point, Wee Dragon, and I hadn't considered it. Why would I think my, or anyone's, approach to this path would be different from my typical approach to things?

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