The other day, I was driving west along the Elk River into the southern Oregon Coast Mountain Range. The breaks in morning cloud cover showed promise of a beautiful sunny morning.  I was  racing with the waning darkness. A few days earlier, in mid afternoon, I had come across a beautiful little creek, while observing and photographing lichen, feeding into the Elk River. The movement of the water cascading over rocks and boulders was particularly captivating. I just could not shake the beauty of the moment and determined to return and photograph the creek. I was racing against the coming daylight because my camera does well at capturing the dreaminess of fast moving water over rocks and boulders on cloudy days in low light conditions, like dusk and dawn. I had to be in place in relative darkness and wait upon the coming of dusk to capture the photos I wished to capture.

It was one of those mornings when the wet covering the whole of the landscape manifests a translucent greenness filtering into the open spaces between moss and fern blanketed cliff faces and lichen laden Douglas Fir. I was in the Light and the Light was in me and I was living in praise of a way of life wherein eternity manifested and anchors me, even in the most simple of activities like driving along a river. I was present in and with the living Presence of Christ and that Presence was present with me.

Then it happened. The water pump on my truck failed. Steam billowed from beneath the hood of my truck. I pulled into a roadside turnaround shut off the engine. Reality hit me even before I left the road. I have no cell service this far up the Elk RIver. I needed to walk six or seven miles back to to get cell coverage and call for a tow truck. This was going to ruin my plans for the day. Various thoughts and emotions began to fill my consciousness threatening diminution and overshadowing of the illumination of Christ in my consciousness. There was a time in my life when the inward Light was regularly overtaken in my consciousness by thoughts and feelings in response to circumstances. Not just negative thoughts and feeling but positive thoughts and feelings in response to circumstances overshadowed the inward Light in my conscious. Thankfully, a life of experience and relationship in the presence of the inward Christ has manifested a watchfulness for the direction and often subtle leadings of that inward Light in the very activity of the overshadowing descent of outward thoughts and feelings. Right in the moment, standing beside my truck and facing the real possibility of descent into back into outward forms of thought and emotion,  I entered into and embraced the living of; not me, but Christ within me. The thoughts and feelings of anxiety, frustration, fear, lack of control, did not vanish. They were covered in and by the grace of the inward Light itself affirming Presence within me so that my conscious held to that Light rather than the outward thoughts and feelings coming upon me from outside in the form of outward circumstances.

Peace was upon me and I set out upon my walk toward cell coverage. Along the way, I lived the mystery of Christ’s Presence within my conscious and guiding my conscience. There was such beauty around me and I embraced all that was given in the moment because of that eternal Peace manifesting in my consciousness. That Peace was in me and I was in that Peace. I was not peaceful because I reasoned to it with outward words, thoughts, feelings, etc. Peace happened to me because I move into an experiential relationship with Christ’s Presence within me.

Along my journey toward reliable cell coverage, my phone did get a very weak signal and I was able to contact a friend nearby. He came and picked me up and drove me the last couple of miles to a place with strong cell coverage and I contacted roadside service for assistance.

Because of these circumstances I met and talked some very nice people. One person was particularly interested in how it was that I seemed so at peace given I had just walked miles in the rain and my truck had broke down. I replied with something like, “Well, what are you going to do? You just go with it.” ... The Light dimmed within me … It was a hurt, a hurt coming from multiple and different directions, not merely the hurt of another, Christ himself, but an inward hurt right at the core of my conscience … I did not correct my words. I denied the power of Presence within me (over outward circumstance and form) by not speaking it to another when I was given the moment.

I have lived in the pain of that denial and dimmed Presence for a few days. I am still in the grace of Presence, but the pain of that denial in my conscience is the inspired teaching and guidance of the inward presence of Christ. I am living the correction of the mystery of the inward Light filling my conscious and working through my conscience.