Ever since I began exploring Quakerism, I have noticed that my perception of G-d has transformed from a somewhat predictable and all-powerful view of G-d to a more pervasive and subtle one. In other words, I had expected a Moses-like encounter rather than an Elijah one. I had placed limitations on G-d by expecting Her to only show Her Presence in a loud, powerful, and biblically “predictable” fashion. Now, however, I am learning to recognize the “still small voice” within myself and without myself.  

With this in mind, it makes complete sense why I am having such a hard time navigating my relationship with the idea of “Christ”. In becoming a Quaker, I found that G-d kept wiggling out of the neat boxes I had created. Originally, I saw Jesus Christ as a type of divine yet human mediator for us sinful and pitiful human beings. Whenever I hear the mention of Christ Jesus or the Son of G-d now, I squirm in my seat. This upset me quite a bit at first considering that I was raised with such language and beliefs. After all, I did not join Quakerism to necessarily reject those notions. Tonight, however, I think G-d showed me why I seem to do so much squirming. Perhaps I don’t necessarily reject the beliefs pertaining to Jesus’ relationship to G-d and to wider humanity. Rather, it may be my Inner Light bucking off another one of my attempts to pigeon-hole G-d and Jesus in a neat, tidy and convenient box. When someone mentions Jesus as the Christ or the Son of G-d, a wave of expectations and schemas pop into my head. Rather than focusing on G-d’s work in my own life or trying to be the best follower of Jesus I can be, I become weighted down with theologies and a frustrating sense of being farther from G-d. May G-d continue to gently guide me.