Primitive Christianity Revived, Again
I stopped going to Meeting, months ago...
I lost an Employment Tribunal case...I sat and heard people in positions of authority purjuring themselves, bearing false witness and fabricating and concealing evidence. I suppose I was naive to believe that people under oath would tell the truth! It was/is no consolation at all that I was speaking truth to power, since a panel decided my case against me, because it was technically 'out of time'. It was such a bitter experience that a bully was left to carry on bullying his subordinates. I wasn't pursuing money, only the truth, and to stop him bullying any one else.
At about this time I encountered such a strong sense of an absence of God.
I stood up in meeting and ministered...out of a sense of exhaustion.Not the most coherent Ministry on my part, about violence in the world. I should have shut up... I heard other people Ministering in similar vein...and then bursting out, a woman in the Meeting leapt up and said that this Ministry was 'like throwing rocks at the Meeting'. It was the least Quakerly Ministry I have ever heard, in thirty years. There was an awful silence.
Some Quakers would rather the Meeting was always silent, especially when the silence is not gathered. They see it as restful! I would rather hear fumblings after the truth than the stifled silence of a Meeting that is not gathered, when cough -drop papers rustle and people shift in their seats, just waiting for release.
So I stopped going to Meeting, and haven't been back since.
I seem to have mislaid my own Quakerly feelings. It feels like a light has gone out, and yet the urge to do anything about it has stalled.
Am I still a Quaker?