Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Meg Ogden on 1st mo. 2, 2012 at 11:41am

Dear Barb,

Thank you for this post. It holds very dearly to something I have been praying about intensely, not over plain dress, but over the level of education I am expected to get as a young college age woman in my family and community. Questions are always pounding my head: Am I hindering my future self if I follow this leading? What will others think of me? I've never thought of myself in such a way that I would do something like drop out of college. I don't know if God wants me to or not yet, but I am very grateful that you mentioned this to let go of my own expectations and truly be God's fool. Thanks again!

Meg

Permalink Reply by Karen Mercer on 1st mo. 12, 2012 at 4:46pm

I'm not sure their really IS such a thing as self-image and self-esteem. Spending a large amount of time alone at the moment, I rarely think about my image until I must go out, and then I find myself hesitating before getting dressed. I think it is always a form of wondering what others will make of us and what messages we are sending to others...not that that is always bad.

There are some really interesting experiments done with depriving people of external cues about "who others are" and getting very different people to interact while deprived of giving and receiving many cues. It's very interesting what happens...people who would normally dislike each other on sight, based on assumptions from the cues find they sometimes like each other very much, to their surprise.

Most clothing is about "tribal affiliation" and status competition within the group and NOT about expressing our individuality, as we have been taught. It's about subsuming part of our individuality to the group in exchange for belonging. While Plain Dress may retain elements of the first, it strikes a blow at status competitions. When you are alone in daily life without a Plain community it also takes you out of any group...you become the outsider, looking in....and others know it and are not sure how to react.

It's very confusing though, isn't it, having to face our feelings about "how others look at us and what they think of us" so consciously. Most people don't give it a second thought but do it almost unconsciously. It's made me more conscious of the true power of dress, knowing how people reacted to me and treated me in my "civvies", then in modest dress, now in increasingly plain dress. That, like it or not, I am always sending a message of some sort.

As Meg said, it's not just dress and spills over into everything bit by bit...this being asked to question and change who we think of as "ourselves" compared to others. The plainer I dress, the more I become aware of my posture, my facial expressions, my speech and idioms and my behaviour....all of which I also use to send social signals about my "affiliations"...like my age group, my intelligence, my worldview. It really is grueling sometimes, noticing how often those little habits conflict with my religious outlook.

For me, the big current issue is not dress, but forgiveness...who am I and what will be left of me if I cease defending this boundary? What will others think of me (loss of respect/regard), will they see it as an opening to similarly aggress against me, and what will that signal do to the receiver of my forgiveness...will it help them or just reinforce their behaviour? All difficult questions in a world that says it's for the victims but really ends up blaming them for their experiences.

God certainly asks difficult things...tear up bit by bit everything the world has built you to be and let yourself be remodeled without seeing the blueprints first. What a lot to have to trust about!

karen

Permalink Reply by Barbara Smith on 1st mo. 13, 2012 at 11:36am

Karen - Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I can relate so much of it as God drags me through this (actually more like guides me, but sometimes I feel dragged). I especially like your statement "tear up bit by bi everything the world has built you to be and let yourself be remodeled without seeing the blueprints first"! I am genetically NOT used to giving control to ANYONE. I am a mom to 9 kids and control has become my middle name. My husband jokingly called me "Little Hitler"! So this call to trust and allow God to EVEN dictate how to dress so others can whisper about me is about as hard as it gets for now.

I am in awe how God is using something as mundane and apparently unimportant as dress to do a total housecleaning on me! And the head covering is for where the rubber hits the road. It's all about resting wholly in the arms of Jesus.

Barb

Permalink Reply by Paula Deming on 1st mo. 13, 2012 at 1:43pm

Mighty fine writing, this:

God certainly asks difficult things...tear up bit by bit everything the world has built you to be and let yourself be remodeled without seeing the blueprints first. What a lot to have to trust about!

Thank you, Karen.

 

Permalink Reply by Alice M Yaxley on 1st mo. 14, 2012 at 2:23am

Bless you Barb. Thanks for writing this, I love hearing about your walk with God. I hope I might be able to offer a little hope - I think many folks who have felt nudged towards "plain" have had a long struggle with it for a few years, but then seem to get clear about what seems to be required of them, and in my experience that came as a huge liberation. For some the outward appearance is not so different at the end of that journey - each of us has our own lessons to learn.

Have as much patience and love for your little self as you can - God is shining through, and I understand God is teaching us in God's own time.