Primitive Christianity Revived, Again
For some months, I have had insomnia, which I can eventually overcome. The most important thing is, I have been discouraged. I have nearly disappeared from this site. I did to seek God in Silence about. I have nearly discontinued my account here.
I just felt completely overwhelmed. I have felt as if I have nothing to offer. Ye all, or a great many of thee, are much more versed or learned than I am. I am merely a mixture of sorts and seeker. I get to feeling discouraged that I have so little to offer any of thee in discussions, or that I may just annoy or otherwise get in the way of others. I have refrained from posting much, due to wisdom teeth and the pain of that, along with night after night of listening to the owls until sunrise: little or no sleep at all for nearly three months.
I hope that I have not offended anyone here. That is not what my aim is at all. I merely seek to offer some small encouragement and to receive it also. Anyone having insomnia, discouragements, and feeling lowly: I have been that way on and off. If any hath any consolations or tender mercies, or kind words, please share them. That is all I wish to say to ye all dear Friends. Maybe thou canst offer some words of kindness or advice. Thank thee one and all!
Permalink Reply by Barra Jacob-McDowell on Timothy,
I'm so glad that thee's feeling better!
Really, I doubt that anyone thought thee was trying to get undue attention, but surely it is right for friends to support and encourage each other when someone in a community is feeling unwell. I think we tend to underestimate the power pain has when it's absent, or to feel as if we can master it by will, that if we don't, it's a reflection on our character. Yet isn't that pride? God gave us the ability to sense pain so we would know something is amiss and in need of care. Pain is like emotions, not subject to logic, just a state of being. Prolonged pain can be very exhausting.
My husband has diabetes, so far controllable by a medication other than insulin and diet. Every day I help him check his feet, to be sure that there are no problems with them; we don't want to let something go that could develop into a much more serious problem down the road, and diabetics can get into such a bad case from denial and neglect that in time they have to have amputations. We hope to avoid that!
When I was a little girl, when I told my father that I was sick or hurt, his immediate reaction was to scold me for trying to get attention, I was being a hypochonidriac. It was years before I understood that he couldn't bear the idea of my suffering, because he loved me so much. I do tend to let things go now until they become serious, although I'm trying to do better.
Right now, I'm feeling a bit despondant too, because I am having vertigo from an inner-ear problem that is triggered by a cold. The medication masks the nausea, but leaves me very sleepy (a contrast to my usual insomnia!) and limp; I am getting a bare minimum of tasks done; had to cancel a rehearsal with my duo partner at her house today, because I reluctantly concluded it would not be safe to drive half an hour each way to get there and back. I know it' was the right and safe decision, but I was anticipating it a lot. It's vexing to be unsteady and do so little! OTOH, when I recover, I know I'll be so thankful that I can move around and bend forward without fearing I'll fall, and I'll be so happy to have more energy--but right now, it's hard to see that....
Being unwell is difficult. What I see as I get older is the truth of two quotations I read in Plain Living: A Quaker Path to Simplicity, a collection of quotations gathered by Catherine Whitmire:
"Out of our brokenness make us a blessing." --Judith L. Bruiz, 1980, and
"God does not shelter us from misfortune,
but God does help us endure it,
and so suffering above all else
can become the point of encounter with God." --Diana Lampen, 1966
I hope these may be of help to thee!
--Barra
Permalink Reply by Chris Beauchamp on I love that book Barra - - A Quaker Path to Simplicity . beautiful quotes are in there.
I also hope you feel well soon. The cold is so hard on us. . hard on our bones and bodies. I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well - - and yet you find a moment for comforting words to Timothy in his time of need. You are so thoughtful.
I wish you and your husband both well and that you can soon get back to what you so enjoy doing.
Blessings to you and yours,
Chris
Barra Jacob-McDowell said:
Being unwell is difficult. What I see as I get older is the truth of two quotations I read in Plain Living: A Quaker Path to Simplicity, a collection of quotations gathered by Catherine Whitmire:
"Out of our brokenness make us a blessing." --Judith L. Bruiz, 1980, and
"God does not shelter us from misfortune,
but God does help us endure it,
and so suffering above all else
can become the point of encounter with God." --Diana Lampen, 1966
I hope these may be of help to thee!
--Barra
Permalink Reply by Barra Jacob-McDowell on Chris,
I love that book, and am so glad my husband gave it to me for Christmas! I'm trying to read it slowly, savoring a section at a time day by day.
Thank thee, I do feel a bit better today--was able to stay up, instead of going back to bed once I got my hsuband settled for the morning, and sleeping until time to get up and fix lunch. Improvement comes slowly, and I'm impatient by nature. The last bit of dizziness to go away is in the mornings, after lying down all night, and at night when I lie down, everything swooping around me as if I was in the middle of an amusement park ride (which I dislike, except for merrygorounds).
We're supposed to comfort each other, aren't we? As thee's comforting me....
--Barra
Permalink Reply by Christopher Hatton on Permalink Reply by Chris Beauchamp on Dear Christopher:
How kind you are to offer loving words to Timothy while you yourself are experiencing suffering of your own. Immediately I wanted to write to offer words on diet. . and was pleased to see you had read my words and will incorporate what you are able. I see you are vegetarian and am so glad. Being prone to kidney stones and the other issues you speak of . .please know that dietary changes are so very important as they will keep you well.
Yes, do drink lots of water, warm water particularly. . or room temperature to help keep your kidneys flushed and moving. Avoid ice (at all times) in your drinks, if you can, even during the heat of summer. Room temperature drinks are better tolerated by the body than the shock of icy things.
Also, I strongly recommend a diet of fresh green leafy vegetables. . uncooked. . as they will help to pull excess fluid out of your body. If you can, try incorporating wheatgrass and safe wild edibles (to save some expense). To have these problems your body is overly acidic. . . and you will benefit by establishing an alkaline base. Alkaline is restored by a diet large of fresh raw greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, avocado, sweet red peppers and the like. A simple green vegetable juice fast will also help so much. Detoxification is so good for a body in pain.
A good rule is . . .if you have swelling of any kind, you desperately need to eat lots of Fresh Raw Greens. . . chew them well. . don't just swallow. . chew, chew, chew. . and watch your body respond.
Avoid if possible, milk and cheese. . butter and so forth. Cheeses can be made from nuts and seeds. . and are much better for a body in distress. Also nut milks are so much safer. I make everything from scratch and its not so bad. . I'm a long term vegan (30 years now) and would go in a field and eat wild greens rather than put anything harmful in my body.
I wish you only the best of extreme good health and recovery. Also that you have much time in beauty and simplicity, quiet time and restoration of balance. We all thrive when we have that. . as that is what we most need.
Peace to you always,
Chris
Christopher Hatton said:
A thank you also to Chris Beauchamp, I had forgotten about the "7 p.m." Rule. Alas I am prone to kidney stones because of a genetic disorder, so I need plenty of lukewarm water, but otherwise I shall try some of your suggestions.
Permalink Reply by Timothy Bruffy on I wish to thank ye all, each one of thee, for thy concerns and encouragement. Periods of deep melancholy does not mark spiritual defeat necessarily. I have suffered much under the divers medications and spent time within mental hospitals in my past. Sadly, I was not helped. The medicine made terrible side effects. I am disabled from that to this day. I do not like, nay, I detest sharing this with any of thee, for I see that I could be viewed so very differently and moreover held at "arms length" because of it. I know that is aside from the main idea here. Sorry.
I am making improvements slowly and surely. I have been through turbulent waters. I have not been able to immediately reply back to messages and topics of discussions as rapidly, but I'm trying to slowly redo things rethink things. As for the insomnia, it comes and goes. It is not as steady an issue as I had when I first posted this discussion. I know that I need the prayers of my Friends and family, yea, the Mennonite Meeting of which I attend also.
So the Lord is doing things within my heart. This depression is past. I may have an occasional short lived issue involving the short and darker days of winter. I may recall my mother or father, and have a cry, due to missing them. It is not as long lived as I was experiencing. I wish to thank thee for these helpful advices, prayers, and thoughts!!! I have read them over again, and I shall be back again.
There is an old hymn which in one of the verses states: "Accept my talent great or small..." That phrase is what I express to thee one and all. Accept my talent great or small. I may not be the greatest, the wisest, the most informed, the most skillful, the most favoured, the most spiritual, the most perfect, the wealthy (which I'm not at all), nor not fully understanding of all of the Quaker history, beginnings, and practices but I have a heart. I have come to appreciate each one of thee and all of ye.
If I have offended any, I say this to one and or all, forgive me. Let me know what my error is, perhaps via private message, or right here, and I shall attempt to make any necessary deeds or actions on my part to make amends. I am more of a seeker; one that greatly appreciates Quaker practices of Silence, non-violence, and among a great many modesty as well. I am so glad to be here, and I never wish say or do something that harms another soul.
Again, thank thee each one of ye all!
~Timothy~
Permalink Reply by Barra Jacob-McDowell on Timothy,
I am sorry thee has had such sufferings! It is a sad fact that mental difficulties are still not well understood or in many cases, much helped in this time period, although thank God, the afflicted are no longer chained in attics or outhouses as they too often were in the past. A family member is often impatient when he hears of grief counselors sent to a school or workplace after a traumatic event, feeling that it tends to make them dwell on the event and think of themselves as victims to be pitied. Again and again, I hear my mother's voice in my head disparaging people's quick use of the word "ordeal," in her opinion only to be used for surviving a real cataclysm. And yet--and yet-- I know that she labored for most of her long life over unresolved guilt, anger and grief concerning her three dead babies, and her lack of sympathy and empathy towards my grief over mine almost caused a rift between us. And yet-- I have sometimes felt as if I cannot endure watching my beloved's daily pain one more instant, and marvel at his patience and the grace he is given--and gives. The older I get, the more I wonder how one defines that word, if an ordeal may seem small to a person outside of it, unaffected. Who is to say that someone else suffers less than I because they react outwardly differently? Who is to judge another's pain and struggle?
Friend, I respect thy honesty and thy journey, and hope it becomes easier. Thee has set thy roots deep in good soil, founded thy heart's home on a bedrock of faith, and thy friends pray that thee can flower in inward and outward peace.
Holding thee and thy family in the Light,
--Barra
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