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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Stuckwisch on 7th mo. 14, 2012 at 2:15am

Very rarely.

In my experience, most conflicts are fear based. And most blocks to conflict resolution are due to the fear that me might have to see the mote in our own eye.

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Permalink Reply by Forrest Curo on 7th mo. 14, 2012 at 6:33pm

Stephanie Stuckwisch said:

Very rarely.

In my experience, most conflicts are fear based. And most blocks to conflict resolution are due to the fear that me might have to see the mote in our own eye.

[Hmm, was the slip here Freudian, fatigued-based, or intentional?]

Anyway, I haven't observed enough conflicts that closely... and don't know any good ways to prove that "fear of seeing" is a common factor in not-seeing.

[I certainly agree... that people often fail to see, when what they're missing would probably prove inconvenient.

It's the inferred 'loop' in the process that I wonder about:

'Unconscious' 'seeing' leads to --  'unconscious figuring that "This is a thought that should not be thunk!" (Woody Allen)' -- leads to somehow 'not seeing.']

Is there a way to observe that process and interrupt it?

If a person huffs itself up to several times life-times and keeps hollering -- it can certainly distract itself and others from any inconsistencies in its position... But is that an intention or a result? In either case, mightn't it be simpler to let the air out and see how things be?

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Permalink Reply by Dr. Bruce R. Arnold on 7th mo. 22, 2012 at 2:34pm

Friend Forrest, would it be untoward of me to suggest that you spend some time "closely observing conflicts", and then return to the conversation? They are everywhere, so you will not have far to look to have plenty of raw material. Expecting insights from words and ideas is a little like expecting nourishment from pictures of food. Better yet is the old adage that a map is not the territory. You can prepare to encounter the territory by looking at a map. You can use a map to help describe your encounter with the territory. But an experience of reading a map is not an experience of being in the territory. So, if you want to know more about the relationship between conflict and fear, which is remarkably strong, then go find some conflicts and watch how they unfold. Just a suggestion.

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Permalink Reply by Forrest Curo on 7th mo. 22, 2012 at 5:01pm

Dr. Bruce R. Arnold said:

Friend Forrest, would it be untoward of me to suggest that you spend some time "closely observing conflicts", and then return to the conversation?

Well, to observe a conflict closely enough, I'd need to be involved in it myself.

Observing other people, I do notice 'defensive' behavior -- which does strongly imply a 'fear' reaction. But not conclusively. That is, what I can observe is people responding in a way that maintains their opinion -- or whatever they've said previously.

This might reflect a drive to maintain either that particular opinion -- or their personal credibility -- which  in turn, might well be because of some fear that they may have been wrong, or might be seen to have been wrong.

Or -- It might simply mean that their position continues to make sense to them.

--- ---- --- ----

Physiologically, the connection is iffy. That is, when they first discovered adrenaline and tried injecting it into people, they found three different reactions.

1) with no situational stress, people were typically pleasantly excited.

2) Exposed to films of dangers appropriate for fleeing, they became frightened.

3) Exposed to films involving someone attacking a source of danger, they tended to get angry.

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Permalink Reply by Forrest Curo on 7th mo. 23, 2012 at 7:38am

The thing of it is -- though I've been in more conflicts than any reasonable person would like -- and hate 'losing' them -- and still think it's worthwhile to uphold whatever seems true...

I also see that "self-defense" is an oxymoron. Particularly on the internet. When it comes down to trying to insist, "I am not a nut!" the battle is over, right there.

At this point, it looks like naive self-observations will just have to come from someone else.

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